So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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