What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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