I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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