its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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