Midget sex pt 2 tonight
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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