I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
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the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
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Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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