I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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