ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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