Even the bartender felt bad for me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
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I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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