Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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