The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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