Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
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It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
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You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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