I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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