I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
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Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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