Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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