it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
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went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
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Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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