He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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