I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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