I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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