just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize