Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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