Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
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The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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