He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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