im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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