that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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