wanna go halves on a baby?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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