Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
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laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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