So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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