just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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