I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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