Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize