How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
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Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
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I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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