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A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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