you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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