Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize