you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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