And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
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