I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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