I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
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i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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