Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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