you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
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