shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize