I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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