Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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