maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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