yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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