Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
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So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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