I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
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I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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