What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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