i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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